Happy Christmas My Lovelies and Goodbye

Me December 2019

So - we come to nearly the end of the year, and if I can make it unscathed to January 2020 I will have had my first year with NO admissions for the first time in a good many years!! 

Whats changed to facilitate this?? Well, I firmly believe that stress was playing a huge part in my general well being and after my very dodgy admission in January this year when there was a time I truly thought I was going to not come out again because it was that serious, I've had to have a real look at my lifestyle. The photo below is me in January 2019 - and the one above is me now! 

In the last post I talked about the heart to heart with my new consultant, I've been self administering my injections once a month and I've taken early retirement.  Without doubt the Xolair injections have changed and saved my life, as well as a very strict medicines regime.  All things that have most definitely worked to help me take back control of my Asthma. 

I now understand that whilst my medical requirements are met through the amazing team of medical specialists who help to keep me healthy with regular check ups, it is up to me to keep my body & mind healthy. 

To be positive, to do everything possible to keep healthy - which has included doing as I'm told (now there's a first!) listening to my body and behaving and responding appropriately. I've cleared out negativity in my life, I will only look for the positives. I will eat healthily and well, no more stupid fad diets. I will get out and walk, however slowly it may be, I will do it. Every day if possible unless pissing down - even I'm not that stupid! 

I now acknowledge I have a life threatening disease, but I can cope with it and I do, successfully. 

My Asthma may change again over the next few months or years or maybe it won't! Maybe I will stay fit and healthy? Who knows, but I can no longer live my life in fear of dying tomorrow. 

So folks, this is my last blog post of Coming up for Air, I've new routes to take and I send my love to all of you who have followed me. 

With love and wishes for good health

Liz x

Xolair = Game Changer!

Good day to you all on this beautiful sunny summer weekend - how are you all doing??  I haven't blogged for a few months as I wanted to see how my health would be doing.......... and guess what?  It does indeed look like the Xolair and a different approach to life is working very well! 

I've noticed on Social Media sites a tendency for some people with a chronic illness (any illness, not just Asthma) to have a passive/aggressive approach to how they talk about themselves when unwell. A bit of 'I don't feel well today, but you all enjoy your day' type stuff??? But I've always tried to shy away from that and those sorts of people, and be as positive as possible about having Asthma and trying to be as upbeat as possible. 

If I'm ill then I'm bloody ill, I'll be as miserable as shit and I won't want to talk to anyone but I firmly believe positive mental attitude is half of the battle. 

So how have I got here?? Well after my conflab with my Consultant in April and the mega self pitying cry in my car afterwards I went into my shell for a day or two while I processed what we'd discussed and as usual my inner stubborn 'fuck this' came to the surface!  "Right! If I do exactly as he said - to the letter - and I'm still unwell, then no one can say I've not tried"! See - stubborn independent bugger aren't I! 

Well guess what...................... 3 months with no Ventolin, no little bastard steroids in 5 months, I'm back to 13/15 thousand steps a day with my puzzled dogs! Puzzled because OH has been walking them whilst I sat and made excuses, now, its 'WALKIES' at all  sorts of odd times of the day!                                              

I take my medications religiously, I've at last - long last - learnt to listen to my body. If it tells me I'm getting too tired, then I get my book, a coffee and sit a while.                                             

I'll stay in bed that extra half hour or just go to the beach and stretch and take in the sea air. I've let go of much of the stress in my life by delegating work tasks, I accept that there will be times I'll feel stressed (mostly because of work - I'm self employed) but those times are less and less.  

I've been able to return to work but even an evening shift of 3 hours on my feet especially in the summer heat is more than enough, but the boss is very understanding and lets me go when I want to go. Just as well I'm my own boss! 😍 

Luckily retirement is in 107 days (No! Not counting at all) and then an even more relaxed approach to life.  But now we can go back to planning travel - our original plan, but one that got put on the back burner because of my Asthma playing up so badly!

                                               

Friends and family say my sparkle is back..........But best news of all is that following a change of licence for the medication & after 2 months training and guidance with Staff Nurse Kate at the Chest Clinic, I am now able to inject myself at home!!! No more 2 hour round trips to the hospital every month. But that doesn't mean I'm not incredibly grateful to all of the team at the Chest Clinic at Derriford Hospital, it's so important to have the knowledge that a great team of people have your back and are always at the end of a phone. I know I'm incredibly lucky compared to many around the country. 

Anyway, I did my first lot of injections yesterday and despite shaking like a leaf, I did it and it was fine!!! I had to sit down with a cup of tea afterwards and calm down, but I DID IT!!! 

So, I've taken back control of my Asthma, and this 5 months is now the longest I've been out of hospital in 2 years! I can regularly achieve 450 on my peak flow, and as my consultant said last week, we now just sit and watch. 

Well, I've absolutely no intention of sitting and watching - I'm back in charge of my body and it feels great! Watch out world, my sparkle is back and the crown is firmly on! 

Now where's all those travel books I shelved........................💝

Laters my dear friends, 

Liz x x x x

Facing up to reality

Now this may come as a surprise to some and not to many who know me - but most of my life I've thought I know best and my way is of course the right way............. I don't mean that in a cocksure type of way, or even bragging, but I've always had a more than reasonable amount of confidence. 

Often I've been like a confident swan gliding along in life but an anxious little duckling under the surface, however, I always made sure the swan was the one who won. 

I thought I knew all about my Asthma and what was right for it and that the Xolair injections were my golden ticket to a 'normal' life.............. wrong!! 

So with a missed Caribbean holiday under my belt, another long weeks stay in hospital and a good 6 weeks recuperation it was time to make some decisions about my future health care. 

I firmly believed that I needed more experienced help from a tertiary Asthma Centre, I was miffed my old wonderful Consultant had left, no one else could possibly understand me - in other words folks I was in the grip of self pity and delusion! 

So on a normal visit to my Asthma clinic and a chat with my lovely nurse Kate I was told that my new consultant could see me if I cared to stay around after the injection. He wanted to catch up with me and see how I was doing.                                      

Hurrumph, ok was my response quite sure it would turn out to be a waste of time as my mind was made up! (Ungrateful bugger aren't I)   

Walking out of the hospital some 2 hours later I sat in my car and realised I was sobbing, not because he had told me anything particularly awful or indeed anything I didn't really know, but it was the stark reality of even as a life long Asthmatic things had indeed changed with my Asthma (not for the best) and I really had to give it some respect, listen to what PROFESSIONALS were saying.  

I can't play around with the medication willy nilly, I also have to give some thought to the fact that all these exacerbation's over the last couple of years have now given me some other health issues. An absolute bastard but I can't close my eyes to it any longer. 

So I did what I always do - I sulked for a few days thinking how unfair life is............... grown up aren't I?? 

Then I decided to do something I've rarely done - I listened and decided to do what had been suggested!! Medicines taken regularly (even when I feel fantastic), a change of diet, a bit more exercise and guess what - I actually quite like my new consultant!!

Is it working - don't know? But I won't ever want it said I've not listened or tried.......👍

Leaving on a jet plane? Not likely!

Ok - so one minute I'm bowling along. Fitter than I'd been for a long time, happy in my own skin. Taking very few Asthma meds! Happy as you like on Xolair, breathing well, forgetting I ever had Asthma, literally skipping along with the dogs and then the great winter snotty cold started in our house. Bit dizzy, bit of vertigo meant I was feeling a bit odd but it'd be ok. 

I can't be ill anyway, we're off to Barbados for 3 weeks in the sun. The cases are out, the clothes are sorted, I have the dollars to prove it. It's just a cold............ 

No wait! That cough is starting to feel more than a cough - it's starting to feel like a proper poorly chest! Oh for buggering hells sake - it can't be!!! 

Ok - if I can just get to the airport and blag it on to the plane at least I could just be a bit poorly on the beach? Couldn't I?? Mmm Google tells me it's quite dangerous in reduced pressure for asthmatics - maybe not such a bright idea??? But I'll give it a bash for sure. 

Nope - Monday morning the day before we flew OH had to drive like a bat out of hell to get me to hospital. Delightful clerking Nurse said I wasn't breathing properly (no fecking shit) and should drink water!!!! Luckily assessing consultant though it was slightly more serious! 

The merry go round started of drips, injections, back to back nebulisers. Maybe its flu? You're having a laugh right?? Not again surely? No it wasn't. It's a viral asthma exacerbation. 5 days on the wonderful Hexworthy Chest ward with a real dodgy turn on the Wednesday but out again Friday - feeling a little bit better. 

Perhaps we could get 10 days in the sun...............?? 

Nope! Rapid deterioration over the weekend meant a 'blues and two's' ambulance journey with advice from the hospital as I quickly deteriorated en route. This time no offer of water just a swift removal into resus where the FEAR entered me. The dreadful terror that this was definitely it this time!

No virus this time. A full blown lower lung collapse accounted for a breathing result of a quarter of what it should be! No wonder I felt so ill. Yet again! 

Another week on Hexworthy ward where I'm on first name terms with all the nursing team and I could write all day about their kindness, care, skill and love.  The amazing Sister Ali commands such respect and my undying love for her approach to me, as well as the Emily's, Rosies, Kristys, Karens, the Nat's and the Jaia's, even Josh (a real sweetie!) who every day do their level best to ensure everyone is cared for and nurtured and nursed to the best they can be. 

A mid week visit from my son gave me the chance to air fears and concerns and his loving common sense lodged a place in my brain. But the Mummy hugs worked more! 

But I could still get a week of sun couldn't I??  No I can't. 

I'm home to recover in my own bed now getting updates from our friends who we should be with but grateful that I'm here at all. 

To the Nurses and Drs and cleaners and housekeepers and clerks and volunteers and the Therapy dogs - thank you so very, very much. 

I have no other words to say but Thank You, 

As for Barbados?? I hear its not going anywhere! 

Liz xxx

(Still here and breathing)